Do you ever find that there are so many things happening to and around you that you just don’t know how to talk about any of them?
Or that there’s one big thing, just one thing, that you’re not ready to talk about yet – and it makes all your other words get stuck in your throat?
It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged; to be honest, it’s been a long time since I’ve thought about blogging, too. A lot has happened in the 9 months since I last put fingers to keyboard in the service of this little corner of the Internet. Finally, I think I’m ready to talk.
When I started law school back in June of last year, I was determined that that was going to be the last big change in my life. I’d already left my partner, moved in with my best friend, and booked a big European holiday, and That Was It. I was done with changes, done with making hard choices and struggling with the consequences. Life, of course, had other ideas. I struggled with unemployment. I tried my best to support my friend through her first year of teaching. I stayed in bed until midday, far too many days in a row.
Now I’m back, or I’m getting there. I’ve remembered that I’m valuable, and so are the things I have to say. I’ve remembered that this is my blog, and no-one here is going to judge me for changing my reading habits during my unintentional hiatus. Because that was part of it – I stopped reading, and so I stopped having things to write about. Even now I mostly just read court judgements and textbooks, or spend too much time in the fanfiction corner of Tumblr. But I do what I can, and every couple of days I read another page or two. That’s all any of us can do.
So stay tuned for a return from hiatus. We’ll be back to your regularly scheduled program talking books, studying, and real life in no time.
It’s great to be back.
If anyone asks, I usually say that my favourite movie is one of the Marvel franchise – maybe The Avengers, or Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Or The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. Or Love Actually, if I’m feeling Christmassy. Or Aladdin, if I’m in a Disney mood. Point is, I have a lot of favourite movies. But if you were to ask me which movie had actually affected me the most? Hands down, Legally Blonde.
Legally Blonde came out when I was eleven years old, too old to want to follow my parents blindly into teaching (though a part of me still believes that I’ll end up in front of a classroom, because teaching’s in my blood), but too young to really know what else I should be pinning my hopes and dreams on. Enter Elle Woods, cute, sassy, smart as hell, and unwilling to let anyone dictate to her what she can and can’t do. From the moment I saw that movie, with it’s dark wood panelling and heavy books and strong moral code – no, you can’t break the bonds of sisterhood! – I knew that I wanted to be a lawyer, and I spent the rest of my adolescence secure in the knowledge that that was what I was going to do.
Now finally, after a couple of roadblocks and a major detour, I’m finally studying law. And honestly? It feels like I’m doing what I was meant to do. All that reading, wading through dense cases and history and pages and pages of legislation, comparing judgements and writing case notes – this is it. This is my calling.
I’ve never cycled back to a dream the way I have with this one, and I’m so glad I did. It’s like when I got my tattoo – the idea existed in the abstract for a long time, so that by the time it materialised in the real world, it was absolutely the right thing to do. It’s made me surer than ever that even if you miss a chance the first time it comes around, if the idea of it keeps bugging you, you have to get out there and create a new chance, and get where you really want to be.